Learning by Seeing

"You may be more wise than any judge, but the more you live your life, you can be so easy tricked by your word."

That word that I made is really happen in my life.

Some day, my best friend asked me how to solve her problems.

She was really frustated. Yeah, I gave her my words, tried to build her mind, woke her from her sadness.

Till she wrote this on her twitter:

Dear Allah, i'm writing you today, i know i don't need this pen. I need you to gimme the strength to get through this :__(

I got frustated too. I can't see my friends, even her who's my best friend, sad.
So I made a deal to meet. But I just seen her account and she wrote this:

 Why cry, why worry, and why ask why. when you know Allah is in control!

 and,

Colors and promises. how to be brave. how can i love when i'm afraid to fall. Lol

Yeah. I feel like been slapped by her. Her words are simpler than what I said to her, but the meaning is so deep.
She's really teach me how to be wise at myself, first.
Thank momma (this what I called for her), for your words. +1

Faithful

We are separated by the distance. Far away like a hundred miles.
Without knowing what you do and what I do though both phone are set to ring.
Who knows if you're having some fun while I'm sitting under the black sky.
Numb. Cold.
Situation is like you've carved a tattoo on my body, and left out without finished it.
Like a doctor wrote a prescription, made some mistakes and torn making the patient dizzy.

We do have a really bad view each other.
You might think that I'm having some drugs waiting you,
and I think that you have another one beside you.

The truth is right. Mine thought.
But, what you think about me is like a different scenery in a same place.
I'm screaming out, loud. Making whole neighbours wake and mock me and say, "STFU!!"

My momma would think that I gotta be in asylum.
She's a witness look at me laughing, mad, cry altogether.
But I'm calm.

I just want you here. Even after I know that bitter lie.
Yes, you. I keep the faith, for you.

Goodbye Dad!

I bet for everything if anyone who lose a dad will be really sad. Even after it has passed about 3 months ago but the scar is still hurting my heart. Losing him feels like there's a thorn that wouldn't stop to pierced me. Back when he was still alive beside me, may I have to say that he was really too much. He got his anger in every mistake that I did. Mocking me when I talked that I can't. I thought that he was doing it without any reasons. But the time when I was holding while he was dying, I knew that everything he did to me is for teach me being better and more better. I should've blame on elders for their sight that any humans will feel guilty after.

What is so hard to release him is because I haven't been success. Nope. Maybe when I was hurting him with my behaviors and can't make him see the change which I'm trying now.

He gives me a special duty. The only one that needs a hard work to do. Being like him as a dad for 3 women. Mom, and 2 older sisters. I gotta try hard to be wind that will blow their tears when drop. I'd be like you, dad. Although I just can see you as a stone on a grave, but your spirit won't ever lose at my deepest heart. Promise.

I won't ever cross my finger. Again like the day you were alive.
Goodbye, dad.

To My Dearest, Lord

Dear God,


Sedikit surat aku tujukan padaMu, surat elektronik yang dilihat banyak mata
Aku hanya ingin mengeluarkan apa yang ada dalam benakku
Tuhan, pernahkah kau tau bagaimana rasanya hidup terbelenggu dalam perasaan takut?
Aku takut ketika waktuku dekat, aku belum menghasilkan apapun
Aku takut ketika tidak sampai dewasa, aku sudah bertemu denganMu
Dengan dosa yang menggunung bak sampah di pembuangan
Akulah sampahnya, Akulah yang terbuang, bukan dosaku, bukan kesalahanku
Aku yang menyebabkan diriku sampah
Aku bodoh, Kau telah mengasihiku lebih, aku tidak menghiraukannya

My Prayer from Hopeless

God, how long the time that You've been giving to me?

Can i live forever and ever?

Since i was born, i never feel like i live in this earth.

Do i wrong if i'm not satisfy with Your made? Am i fool if i blaming You?

I know You've been so hard to make this world, but i think You aren't so fair with my destiny.

When i walked alone, there was my friends beside me being holded by their parents.

When i pushed my friends while played with them, their parents was running so fast to stopped what i was doing.

Even when i was having my lunch, i saw them from far that their parents who opened their lunch box.

You know God? i remember when i was a student at elementary to senior high school, my report card almost never being taken by my parents. There's just my aunt who's so busy with her works but still having time just for saw how my score at school.

Sarah McLachlan - In The Arms Of An Angel

Video: Sarah McLachlan (LIVE) - In The Arms Of An Angel

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless, and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

Priceless Gift: Smiles and God

        Mau tau apa yang buat aku tetap ada di dunia ini? SENYUM dan TUHAN. Depresi atau apapun namanya mungkin bisa dideskripsikan dalam hidupku (baca posting: a poem, a move, a needing). Tidak tanggung-tanggung, pisau sering jadi mainan terindah di pojokan kamar. Kalau semua orang berpikir seni gambar yang aku miliki itu lumayan, tapi yang terhebat itu goresan di tangan. Apa bedanya?

Goresan ditangan lebih berwarna. Merah. Murni tanpa campuran apapun. Keluar dari dalam tubuh. Rasa sakit? TIDAK! Apa itu bodoh? IYA! Tapi itu hebat. Kalau mencubit anak-anak kecil saja mereka menangis, tapi menggores tangan itu seperti aspirine. Atau obat penenang. Itu semua salah.

SENYUM membangun kepercayaan diriku.

SENYUM yang buat aku bangkit.

SENYUM yang buat segala masalah dalam, terangkat jadi dangkal.

SENYUM yang meski segaris tapi artinya lebih abstrak dari sebuah lingkaran.

a poem, a move, a needing

i won't to live

live without a smile, live without a hug

i want to die

die with peace, die to reach..

a heaven..

a place to see happiness of peoples who i loved

peoples who i cared, though i know i never got it back

help me find this chord! i wanna make a song

it was sunday when all busy resting
a boy with mindless think sat under a big tree
his dad came and slapped him with all his words
then he kept in silence to think it twice

he stood as hard as a stone

tried to walk without energy in his leg

daddy called him once to say his useful son

the son turned around, he got daddy's mean

Ketika Tuhan Tidak Nyata..

                 KETIKA TUHAN TIDAK NYATA, KEAJAIBANNYA NYATA

                Pagi itu terlihat begitu sejuk di Jakarta. Tidak tampak keadaan hiruk pikuk keramaian. Dengan cuaca yang sedikit mendung, karena sehabis hujan, Lea berdiri di tepi jalan untuk menunggu bis seperti biasanya. Hari ini adalah hari pertamanya untuk masuk universitas swasta. Universitas pilihan orang  tuanya yang tidak pernah dia dambakan. Dengan wajah yang kusut, Lea menaiki bis yang mencari penumpang sambil berlari. Di dalam, dilihatnya banyak orang dengan kesibukan masing-masing. Ada yang mendengarkan musik dari handphonenya, ada yang sedang menelepon, ada yang tertidur, ada yang hanya diam. Lea berdiri di bagian belakang bis karena tidak kedapatan tempat duduk.
                Dengan tergesa-gesa Lea mengeluarkan uang untuk membayar tarif bis yang dinaikinya karena dari kejauhan tampak kondektur yang sedang menagih sudah dekat dengannya. Lea pun mencari uangnya, namun uang receh yang disiapkannya di saku celananya jatuh. Ia pun panik dan menengok ke bawah dan sekelilingnya. Dilihatnya uang logam itu jatuh tepat di bawah kaki seorang nenek pengemis renta yang sedang meminta-minta di depannya.
                “Minggir nek, itu uang saya jatuh di kaki nenek,” ucap Lea.
                “ Boleh nenek ambil uang itu? Nenek belum makan malam tadi. Nenek lapar, nak,” jawab nenek itu.
                “Ahh, saya sedang buru-buru nek! Saya ga punya waktu untuk ambil uang lagi di dompet!” bentak Lea sambil menarik uang itu dari dekat kaki nenek itu. Nenek itu pun terjatuh.
                Dengan tergesa-gesa, Lea pun membayar ongkosnya dan langsung turun untuk masuk ke kampusnya.

...

This What I Called A Critic For Our Poor Country

Negeri seribu pulau, bahkan berjuta pulau
Bayangkan berapa macam spesies hidup disini
Binatangnya beragam, Tumbuhannya cantik
Alamnya kaya, bisa dimanfaatkan, tapi..

Ketika ras lain datang, bahkan kejadian penjajahan terulang

Negeri yang tidak lagi kaya saat semuanya berpindah tangan atas nama orang lain

Orang yang 'tinggi', punya kursi, harusnya pintar mengatur yang duduk dibawah kursinya

Dimana pengelolaan yang benar?

mengisi waktu ;)

Banyak orang yang ga punya waktu untuk melakukan hal ini itu.. Yah, namanya juga kesibukan dan rutinitas, semua harus dijalankan. Itu kewajiban. Mungkin sesuatu yang berharga dan patut di syukuri karena bisa mendapatkan keuntungan tersendiri hehehe..

Tapi gua, waktu nya banyak, dan terlalu banyak, sehingga gua kadang bingung harus apa. Untuk tweet di twitter aja kadang harus berpikir karena bisa jadi spammer dgn tweet-tweet yang gua share setiap setengah jam atau satu jam sekali haha..

Say NO To GALAU!

Ceritanya berawal waktu gua log-on di situs microblogging twitter pakai account gua @RonyMaxSteven sekitar tengah malam. Hampir timeline gua dipenuhi sama curahan hati teman-teman gua yang sedih dan kadang pakai bahasa kasar cuman untuk kasih tau kalau mereka sedang galau (bahasa Ibu yang sekarang umum dipakai oleh anak muda).

Setiap pertanyaan yang gua lontarkan sama mereka tentang kenapa mereka bisa seperti itu, pasti rata rata menjawab soal cinta. Gua sendiri bingung harus bagaimana caranya membantu mereka keluar dari tweet-tweet yang menurut gua aneh tadi.

What Is Happiness?

Bahagia..

Mungkin kita semua orang di dunia ini mengerti dan mampu mendefinisikan makna dari kata di atas, tapi saya berani bertaruh kalau masih sedikit orang yang bisa merasakan makna sesungguhnya dari kata ‘Bahagia’..

Beberapa orang di dunia ini mungkin berkata kalau bahagia bisa didapatkan kalau kita mampu membangun keluarga sendiri, memiliki anggota keluarga kecil dan menjalani keluarga itu tanpa suatu kesalahan. Tapi pernahkah kita berpikir kalau itu sebenarnya bukanlah kebahagiaan yang sesungguhnya.