Small Pencil

Learning by Seeing

"You may be more wise than any judge, but the more you live your life, you can be so easy tricked by your word."
That word that I made is really happen in my life.
Some day, my best friend asked me how to solve her problems.
She was really frustated. Yeah, I gave her my words, tried to build her mind, woke her from her sadness.
Till she wrote this on her twitter:
Dear Allah, i'm writing you today, i know i don't need this pen. I need you to gimme the strength to get through this :__(
I got frustated too. I can't see my friends, even her who's my best friend, sad.
So I made a deal to meet. But I just seen her account and she wrote this:
 Why cry, why worry, and why ask why. when you know Allah is in control!
Colors and promises. how to be brave. how can i love when i'm afraid to fall. Lol
Yeah. I feel like been slapped by her. Her words are simpler than what I said to her, but the meaning is so deep.
She's really teach me how to be wise at myself, first.
Thank momma (this what I called for her), for your words. +1


We are separated by the distance. Far away like a hundred miles.
Without knowing what you do and what I do though both phone are set to ring.
Who knows if you're having some fun while I'm sitting under the black sky.
Numb. Cold.
Situation is like you've carved a tattoo on my body, and left out without finished it.
Like a doctor wrote a prescription, made some mistakes and torn making the patient dizzy.

We do have a really bad view each other.
You might think that I'm having some drugs waiting you,
and I think that you have another one beside you.

The truth is right. Mine thought.
But, what you think about me is like a different scenery in a same place.
I'm screaming out, loud. Making whole neighbours wake and mock me and say, "STFU!!"

My momma would think that I gotta be in asylum.
She's a witness look at me laughing, mad, cry altogether.
But I'm calm.

I just want you here. Even after I know that bitter lie.
Yes, you. I keep the faith, for you.

Goodbye Dad!

I bet for everything if anyone who lose a dad will be really sad. Even after it has passed about 3 months ago but the scar is still hurting my heart. Losing him feels like there's a thorn that wouldn't stop to pierced me. Back when he was still alive beside me, may I have to say that he was really too much. He got his anger in every mistake that I did. Mocking me when I talked that I can't. I thought that he was doing it without any reasons. But the time when I was holding while he was dying, I knew that everything he did to me is for teach me being better and more better. I should've blame on elders for their sight that any humans will feel guilty after.

What is so hard to release him is because I haven't been success. Nope. Maybe when I was hurting him with my behaviors and can't make him see the change which I'm trying now.

He gives me a special duty. The only one that needs a hard work to do. Being like him as a dad for 3 women. Mom, and 2 older sisters. I gotta try hard to be wind that will blow their tears when drop. I'd be like you, dad. Although I just can see you as a stone on a grave, but your spirit won't ever lose at my deepest heart. Promise.

I won't ever cross my finger. Again like the day you were alive.
Goodbye, dad.